I have three calendars I use to keep track of our busy family schedule. Three! When I say it out loud, it sounds like overkill.
The sheer number of activities my children are involved in make meticulous organization crucial. Keeping track of who goes where and when is intense. So, I run to the digital calendar hanging on our kitchen wall, or my phone, or the ever-faithful paper planner like it’s my religion. The mental load of juggling the calendar and the physical demands of being on-the-go drain me.
I have found myself wondering, on more than one occasion, “How much is too much?” I’ve heard similar sentiments from other families and have come to a realization: We are the gatekeepers of the family schedule. What and how much we allow into our schedule is up to us as parents.
Here are three reasons for gatekeeping your family schedule to keep it in check.
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1. Rest
As humans, we need rest. The amount varies person to person, but we all require rest to function well — especially our children, whose bodies demand rest as they change and grow.
But these are the years when parents see an uptick in extracurricular activities. Sports, fine arts, after-school clubs, and religious organizations begin to find their way onto our calendars. Everyone seems to be vying for a piece of your kid’s time. The equation is pretty straightforward. The more activities a child is involved in, the greater the need for structured, intentional rest. But with 24 hours in a day, we can only cram so much into our kids’ schedules before there isn’t enough rest to compensate for the energy they are expending.
Overloading a child’s day and week leaves no room for learning to rest adequately. For example, on school nights, I do my best to have my two tweens in bed by 9:00 p.m. I find their brains and bodies are exhausted from long days. Giving my kids a consistent cut-off teaches them to wind down into deep rest. This makes for better subsequent days.
Parents are responsible for teaching how to balance the fun stuff with the need for sleep and relaxation. We must make decisions that protect our kids’ rest.
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2. Healthy Prioritizing
While rest is a top priority on the family schedule, it should also leave space for family, unstructured fun, and schoolwork.
If we, the gatekeepers, fill the family schedule to max capacity, we don’t leave room for our kids to learn how to prioritize their lives in a healthy manner. Our children should learn how to look at their day and determine what activities are of greatest importance. This type of critical thinking can help set them up for success in college and into adulthood.
My family has at least one activity after school, Monday through Thursdays, during the school year. As a result, Friday nights are designated as “pizza/movie night.” We keep the end of the week as free as possible to enjoy an evening as a family.
Family is a huge priority for us! It is important to us to set an example for our children of intentionally slowing down with family. While there will always be things available to add to the calendar, knowing your family’s limit for on-the-go activity helps align priorities and teaches your kids to be mindful of the same.
3. Self Care
When we flood the calendar with activities, what message do we send about how to care for ourselves?
As adults, we execute the organizing of and the shuttling to and from activities. We sit for hours in the car. We grab easy, non-nutritious food to eat on the run. We donate our time and money. We forfeit sleep for late practices and early game times. We miss out on date nights with our partners because we must “divide and conquer” the activities of the evening.
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Is your physical and mental health worth the extra sport you squeezed into Wednesday night? Is art class worth another dinner eaten in the car instead of at the table? It’s important to take a step back and reevaluate how we’re taking care of ourselves when the calendar is full. The odds are high. How you care for yourself is, likely, the same model your kids will use when they are adults.
Just as each family is wonderfully unique, so are each family’s interests, drive, and need for what they add to their calendar. What works for your crew will look different from the family down the street. The key to gatekeeping your schedule is to be mindful of rest, healthy priorities, and taking good care of yourself. With those guidelines in mind, let the planning begin!
