Visiting family can be an exciting! Visits can also cause anxiety, especially for kids. Distance, age differences, and familial expectations can make conversations with extended family challenging.
Help your child prepare for family visits and new situations with a plan. Having a plan can boost confidence so your child feels comfortable and enjoys the visit.
My Experience
I grew up an only child in Texas with family in Wisconsin . . . all of my family. Every December, my parents and I flew north for Christmas. My parents usually initiated conversations so I had time to “warm up.” Once I felt comfortable in my surroundings, I chatted and engaged with family with ease.
As an adult, I have an easier time with family. Social media and texting help me connect with cousins year round — I love how the distance doesn’t feel so far now!
Now that I have a child, I do my best to prepare him for . I married into a large family (my husband is one of six kids), and we see all the siblings and cousins during the holidays. This can be overwhelming for my son, but with preparation, his anxiety turns into excitement.
>> RELATED READ :: Conversation Starters for Kids :: Questions to Ask Adults, Extended Family, and New Friends <<
Practice Makes Better
Preparing my son for family visits has really helped him adapt to new situations. This year, he started Taekwondo and soccer knowing only one kid in class. I’m very proud of how he introduced himself to the coaches and participated with excitement!
As we look ahead to elementary school, I’m already talking to my son about what to expect. New classes, teachers, friends, activities, even a new schedule will be a BIG change. I want him to confidently engage with people he doesn’t know and try tasks he’s never done before. (The latter is our unique challenge: My son strongly prefers to only do what he’s good at.)
Preparing Children to Visit Extended Family
These are my top three tips for preparing your child for family visits.
1. Talk to your child about who is who. Include a fun fact for each person or immediate family. Use pictures to ease worries around recognizing people.
2. Explain why family may know information about your child and ask questions. For example, “I talk to Aunt Jennifer on the phone about you playing soccer, so she may ask you about that. She also loves soccer!”
3. Remind your children that they don’t have to answer questions or share information if they don’t want to share. If they feel overwhelmed and need a break, they can do so any time.
What to Say
Starting a conversation can be tough! Keeping one lively is challenging, even for adults.
A great way to help your child become a strong conversationalist is to show and include them often. Kids are experiential learners and will mirror what they observe!
Conversation skills to demonstrate and practice:
- Active listening
- Responding with interest
- Pauses in conversations
Tip: Help your child prepare questions to ask. For younger kids, keep questions simple and applicable to a variety of situations.
Ice Breaker Activities
So you’ve arrived safely, you have prepped your kids, and you have your conversation starter pack in your pocket, but when and where do you do all the talking? And how do you initiate without it feeling unnatural? Answer: Ice breakers.
I highly recommend planning a game or activity (or several) for family get togethers. Having something to engage in helps people relax and talk. Bring a couple of these tried-and-true activities for all ages to break out whenever there is downtime.
- Coloring books and erasable drawing pads
- Deck of cards
- Jenga or building blocks
- Puzzles
- Simple board games
Try not to rely on gifts (if applicable) for activities — the pressure to open and share can feel big for kids.
For younger kids, take a comfort item or small toy to play with. Monster trucks and Hot Wheels cars are always in my purse! A little “vroom vroom” with a family member helps my son open up quickly.
Now, let the good times (literally) roll.
Seeing extended family can be stressful, especially during the holiday season. Try to keep expectations and conversations light for everyone. Help your kids prepare with the tips, themes, and questions I shared!
>> RELATED READ :: Embracing Boundaries :: A Guide on Respect for New Grandparents and Parents <<
If you have tips for visiting extended family with kids, share them in the comments below.
